The 9 Types Of Naps You'll Experience in College

Dissecting my love-hate relationship with napping in college

We all nap. Whether they’re intentional, unintentional, or in the middle of an engineering mathematics lecture, we just can’t escape them. In college, where time seems to never be enough, and your energy is sucked out on a daily basis, naps could either save your dilapidated sleep schedule or make you feel like poopookaka.

In order to better understand them, we’ll be analyzing the different types of naps you’ll ever experience in college:

1.) U Snooz, U Win!

This is the most desirable type of nap. It’s the textbook, satisfactory, and energizing nap that we all want to get after a long day of doing stuff you do in a long day. A ‘U Snooz, U Win!’ nap is planned and intentional. You climb into bed, put on a 30-minute timer, dream about puppies and rainbow unicorns, and you actually wake up on time. Sounds good doesn’t it? I can’t help but feel that it’s a bit utopian though. That’s because it is! This type of nap is the rarest kind.

2.) AHHHHHHH WHAT TIME IS IT!?

The ‘AHHHHHHH WHAT TIME IS IT!?’ is the polar opposite of ‘U Snooz, U Win!’. It’s the least satisfying and most rage inducing type of nap. It goes something like this:

Step 1: Setting alarm. You’re knackered so you probably forget to enable it.

Step 2: Falling asleep. This part’s easy.

Step 3: Dreaming about something.

Step 4: Your dream gets invaded by the thought that maybe you didn’t actually set your alarm.

Step 5: Realizing that you can’t do anything. Because you’re sleeping. You can’t set your alarm while you’re sleeping. (Would be pretty cool though, right?)

Step 6: You continue sleeping.

Step 7: Aaaand sleep a little more.

Step 8: AHHHHHHH WHAT TIME IS IT!?

        At this point, you wake up in a confused frenzy. Drool on your pillow and 7 missed calls from the President of your country who was going to send you $1,000,000 until they realized you were a lazy slob who doesn’t know how to set alarms properly. Yikes.

3.) The Tuition buster

Many college students can relate to this phenomenon. You can’t control it. It’s a disorder. You’ve tried getting more sleep, downing insane Red Bull and coffee fusions every morning, pinching yourself, and tapping your feet, but NOTHING WORKS! EVERYDAY, I— I MEAN YOU (in second person, of course), YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS INCURABLE DEVIL OF A DISORDER AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

My bad, I think it got a little personal or something back there. It’s not like I sleep in class or anything. Pfft. Of course not.

The people who have it worst though are the people sitting next to you in class. Their unspoken duty is to tap, shake and pinch you every few seconds to make sure you don’t fall asleep. Poor souls.

4.) The Cozy Keyboard

Do you ever just ewifnnewlhetewmosmznmvzvzmirrrecniecnrrrrrrrrrrrigorogjsggjgrgsignmvisvvnnmsrvnisr?

If you can’t recognize that infamous phrase, it’s usually what’s left over from a ‘Cozy Keyboard’ nap. Who ever thought a set of oily, plastic keys could be so darn comfortable? Well, I guess when your coffee finally wears off after working for hours straight on some project or pointless essay, anything could feel like a heavenly pillow.

5.) The Conservative Disappointment

I think we’ve all experienced this one. It’s that situation where you’ve got lots of free time and you just want to travel to the future because you’re so bored! You plan on sleeping for a few hours. You want to sleep for ages. But ten minutes pass and you’re wide awake. What the hell?! Your alarm doesn’t go off for another two hours! Now here you are, all energized and pissed off. Sorry buddy. That’s rough.

6.) Why are we here? Just to suffer?

The ‘Why are we here? Just to suffer?’ is the kind of nap that makes you wonder why you exist. You wake up feeling like poopookaka. You’re irritated and all you want to do is be angry.  Everything looks annoying and you feel like punching someone, but you don’t have the energy to do that. So you just lay there in bed, staring at stuff, and looking constipated.

7.) The Consciousness Drifter

I kid you not, I just woke up from one of these. It’s happened three times whilst writing this article (woahhh I said ‘whilst’). It’s the result of an accumulated lack of proper sleep. It hits you in waves. One second, you’re awake. Next thing you know, it’s back to ‘Rainbow Unicorn Land’, then you’re awake again and the cycle repeats itself. The only way to end the loop is to get some proper sleep, but we both know you’re not gonna do that, are you? Plus, you’ve got like 469 unwatched videos in your ‘Watch Later’ playlist to tick off on YouTube. (Oh yeah, semester finals are coming up but ehhh you’ll cross that bridge when you get there. [I really shouldn’t be giving out such amazing advice for free. Maybe I should start a premium self-help newsletter!])

8.) The Productivity Guru

This is for the guys who’ve binge-watched every Matt D’Avella video, studied Garry Vaynerchuk’s ever word, and who own a shirt (or two) that says something on the lines of “Sleep is for the weak!” or “THE GRIND NEVER ENDS”. These guys aren’t really human anyway, so they don’t need sleep. They prefer to recharge with the occasional 5-minute power nap, optimized for maximum productivity.

9.) The Prolonged Slumber

Okay, I know this sounds a little like a regular night’s rest. And maybe it’s because I’m running out of ideas and I don’t want to end the list on an ugly number like 9. What kind of psychopath does that?! ‘The Pronged Slumber’ is a type of nap that lasts way longer than you intended it to—Wait this sounds just like ‘AHHHHHHH WHAT TIME IS IT!?’

No! I must persist! I must convince myself that they’re different!

        So, the difference between the two… Yeah, let’s talk about that!

                        Right after a message from my sponsor, ‘Squarespace’!

        Okay, that was just a diversion from the fact that I’m completely out of ideas. I’m not sponsored by Squarespace.

P.S. Uhhh, Squarespace, if you’re reading this, please don’t sue me. I’ll cry. K thanks.

(Can’t wait for the new OTA brain update where I’ll be able to generate infinite ideas and stuff.)

Well, that’s it from me. I hope I was able to expand (or shrink) your mind in some capacity. I mean, it’s not like reading this would make you lose braincells or anything. Haha. Oh no…

Honestly, writing so much about naps is making me kinda tired. I guess I’ll get some shut eye for 5 minutes or something. I wonder which type it— ewifnnewlhetewmosmznmvzvzmirrrecniecnrrrrrrrrrrrigorogjsggjgrgsignmvisvvnnmsrvnisrgreragagaaaaaaa SubscribeForMoreContentttttttttttttthanksforreadingggggggdontforgettoshareandcommenttttttttttt